My apologies to Deuce for not answering these earlier. I'm stupid. On a side-note, I'm kneeling in front of my desk writing this because my chair is covered with toys. Away we go!

1). If you had the ability to put your name in place of any author's on one piece of work in any medium and immediately get credit for it, what would that work be?

Honestly, I wouldn't want to, because I want to get credit for my own stuff, not someone esle's. However, if I could make it so that I had written something, I think it would be maybe Watchment, which is the best comic ever. I'm drawing a blank on a movie I'd like to have written.

2). You are famous, successful, and powerful. You fucking OWN this town, man. You have a secret list locked in a safe in your enormous office. What kind of list is it?

It's a list of things I have written, awards I've received and money that's rolling in.

3). Sorry, but I have to ask a SlowKids question. What was the best sketch from my last show? Did I act all right in it, or could you tell I wrote it? Because if not, you picked the wrong sketch.

Don't worry, my friend. Honestly, I remember liking a lot of sketches, but you know how bad my memory is - I couldn't even remember sketches I had written when we were speaking the other day. So, the only sketch that's sticking in my head right now, which I'm not sure if you wrote, was the Awesome Squad or whatever they were called, where you excelled as Professor Boring.

4). I stole this from Matt Kaszanek, but it's a great question: Which two washed up celebrities would you most like to see on the sidewalk in tattered clothes, full-on kicking the crap out of each other for a trivial reason while you drove by?

God. What a question. Nothing particularly funny or charming is coming to mind right now. Maybe Chevy Chase and Dan Ackroyd are fighting over who's to blame for that attrocious movie with the mutant babies.

5). Why is Scrimschander so misunderstood?

Scrimshander is misunderstoof because he works outside the constraints of traditional law enforcement. Though to some people this makes him a "loose cannon", he does what he needs to do to stop menaces like Madam Breast and Austrio. But when the chips are down, Scrimshander can be counted on to save the day, and to annoy the Chief.
His late partner helped as well.

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2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation.
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed