This one's publishing today.

Title: "The Salesian - Not Just for Racoons Anymore"

Hey, is anyone else excited about the things afoot at the Salesian Property?

I can’t remember this many people talking about a seminary since my second grade class realized it meant a school for priests and not something dirty. But this time, instead of misunderstood vocabulary, the reshaping of a town is the cause of excitement.

Current proposals call for the decrepit site of the Salesian School, which I have known for my entire life as “that place behind that gate over there,” to be reshaped into a very exciting-sounding library and town park complex. But what has my heart all aflutter is the fact that this entire project, which would become the heart and soul of Goshen, sounds like’s it’s designed by and for nerds.

Now, please don’t get me wrong. I’m a gigantic nerd, and I’ve always felt a little out of place in Red-Statey Goshen. Luckily, the designers working on the Salesian property have heard and, obviously, felt my pain, because it sounds like it’s going to be a nerd’s paradise. For starters, the park is going to be a “passive” park, explicitly meant for communing with nature and your fellow man and not for playing sports. Yes, that’s actually part of the design of this place – no sports. In fact, even the athletic field area (waaaaaay in the back, thank you very much) isn’t meant for organized team sports, but for kite flying and maybe an occasional impromptu Frisbee game. Nerdtopia!

There’s going to be a library, a “living library” of trees, and something called a “Knoll Council Ring,” which is a circular stone area for people to gather, talk to each other and play guitar or flute. I don’t know why, but every time I picture Goshenites gathering in a stone circle to play flutes and converse, they’re wearing togas. Which, again, I think is awesome. Mark my words, the first mayor elected after this park is built will be a Philosopher-King, who rules based on Universal truths culled from the wisdom of the ancients. He or she will also be a giant nerd.

But I don’t want my non-nerdy brethren to despair. This project holds some interest for you as well. There will be an area where concerts can be held, and there’s sure to be some very interesting statues that kids can skateboard on. Plus, there will be a swimming pond, or, as I like to call it, a swimmin’ hole. This will finally address one of my deepest regrets of childhood: the fact that I was never able to say, “Hey, fellas, let’s go down the ol’ swimmin’ hole!” You never have to say “to” when you’re talking about a swimmin’ hole.

Unfortunately this thing’s over a decade off, so it’ll be my sure-to-be-nerdy kids who take full advantage of it. Until then, Goshen can have its football games and its Republican lawmakers. And I can sleep tight knowing in the back of my mind that the revenge of the nerds is nigh at hand.