Chapter 2 - In which our hero sees his fiancee for the last time and puts glue in his hair
Last time, you'll recall, we were halfway through the Bachelor party.
At any rate, after the dissapointing movie, we all (except for Rob and my brother) headed back to the apartment, where Brooke joined us and we stayed up quite a bit and hung out. I have to say, besides the whole wedding thing, hanging out was definitely a highlight of the weekend. These are people that (with the exception of the work friends) I haven't seen in quite some time. We also all got along in probably better than ever, which made me really wish that Andy, Melissa (who wasn't present Friday night but hung out with us all Saturday), Dan and Josh lived in the area. It would rule.
Anyway, Saturday saw Brooke and I heading to the mall to pick up gifts for the parents (which caused a bit of a row, but that was smoothed over quickly), and then me heading back to the mall as Brooke got her nails done so I could pick my tux up. At the mall I ran into my dad, stepmom and sister, and then Dan Melissa and Andy. It was with those three fine Boston folks (and Brooke, who met us) that I ended up having food court lunch with, and more of the aforementioned bonding.
Then it was back to the apartment to wrap before heading to the church for the rehearsal. As the cars pulled up one by one of the participants, we waited in the rain for the minister to show up. And we waited. Then we waited som more. Umbrella in hand, I alone walked around in the rain on my cell phone, trying to track down someone who knew where the Minister was. Eventually I got ahold of him and he came back to the church. It turns out he thought the rehearsal was on Friday (It wasn't - why would it be?) and when we didn't show up, instead of calling us and asking us where the hell we were, he figured we decided not to do one and just gave up. Brilliant.
At the very least, the rehearsal proved reassuring for Brooke and I (although we ended up doing the march completely differently the next day), and, confidence in hand, we headed down the street for the rehearsal dinner. Dinner was fairly delicious, and it was great to see friends from different backgrounds bond (Dan and Josh spent the entire time chatting, mostly about them both going for their doctorate, from what I could tell). At the end I gave a little speech and we gave everyone their gifts. I was a little uncomfortable giving my 19-year-old brother a flask in front of my entire family, but by the end of the weekend everyone would know he drinks like a fish anyway. After the dinner there was more hanging out with Josh, Andy, Dan and Melissa, and it was once again really great. Then, when everyone went home, Brooke and I stayed up a bit and talked (yes, we slept in the same bed the night before the wedding. No, I don't think it matters) and generally felt very close and happy, which is a good thing to feel the day before you get married.
The next morning Brooke woke up ass-early and slipped out of the apartment unseen while I slept in a bit. While she and her girls went off to do her thing, I spent the entire morning alone, working on the programs some more, shellacking my hair into place (it was really, really rock hard all day. Kind of cool, but I think it came out more greasy looking than I wanted) and straightening up the apartment. I also bought a Whopper Jr. By the time Andy was supposed to come pick me up and take me to Round Hill where the wedding was to be held, I was incredibly impatient. I was ready, and I wanted to do this thing NOW.
The entire time at Round Hill was basically a comedy of errors trying to get me not to see Brooke before the wedding (and kudos to Andy for keeping it so). I walked around the grounds a bit in my civilian clothes, greeting people as they came. Then, I was told that the bride was going to come downstairs to take some pictures, so I hid in the bathroom and changed into my tux. When I came out, I was told to go outside around back so I wouldn't see Brooke. I head out around back into the parking lot and I'm chatting with Andy and what do I see in the distance but a woman in white. Luckily I wasn't wearing my glasses and couldn't make anything out. So, for the next 40 minutes as they take pictures where they told me to go, I'm stuck with my back facing them, which occasionally made it hard to greet people as they came. But at least people were hanging out with me in the parking lot. I ended up introducing all my friends to each other at least 4 times as more and more people came and joined us.
Then, at once, the photographer said he needed me and the wedding planner said I needed to sign the wedding license, so I did that quickly and ran back and took pictures with my guys. Then the wedding planner came back out and said it was time to line up. As we walked down to the house and the feeling of unreality began to set in, I turned to Andy and said, "Is this happening? Is this happening now?" "Yup," he said.
Tune in next time for the next startling chapter! Does Justin get married? (yes) Is a good time had by all (yes) How many people take advantage of the open bar and get plastered (a lot). All will be revealed, and soon, before I forget what happened.
By the way, if you were there and have different memories or additional memories of what happened, feel free to post them in the comments. I'd love to hear them.
I thought I'd broken my toe, but I didn't. It is ugly-ass bruised, though.
I don't know what's a worse smell, the volcano or my toothbrush holder.
Anywho, phase one of Operation: Advance Justin's Career in Entertainment has fizzled entirely. The final straws came this week, so it's time for phase two. The first part of phase two has already been implemented, featuring a letter written to a very influential person that was very scary to write. Phase two is the "Why the fuck not?" phase, where I send stuff out to anyone and everyone. I plan to hit it on all fronts - Comics, TV, movies, columns, mayve even plays. This weekend will hopefully feature much printing of things on the computer.
More likely, though, this weekend will feature much cleaning of the apartment, as it's a fuckin' sty and there's something dead in the walls. Woohoo! I wish I was living in the Student Village, but I wish I was living there with my wife, and it was here instead of in Boston, because I like my job. Actually, I'd rather have a house. Coming soon, the long awaited part 2 of the wedding saga! Check back and keep driving that hit counter up up up.
P.S. to Deuce on his LA move. Now it's a race to see which Slow Kid will get famous first and drag the rest with him or her!
# 42, and Best Regular Feature:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/showcase/chi-0306120068jun12.story
Just a quick note on the car - It had 8,000 miles on it (now it has closer to 8200; I drive a lot) and it rules. It's better than my old car in every way. It's the first car I've had fun driving, and it has a six disc changer in-dash. Also, thank you to everyone who supplied Matrix jokes. Keep 'em coming! (Wolf - neither red nor blue. It's silver)
This is a Muppet News Flash. I bought a new car this weekend. I now own a car named "The Matrix". Geek jokes ensue. Check back soon for more details after I actually pick the sucker up (tonight). And come back soon for more wedding anecdotes, including the wedding itself, and the honeymoon. And someone post a comment. I'm dyin' out here!
-In which our hero gets threatened by his grandmother and sees Jim Carrey instead of strippers
I say part 1 because I have no idea how long it will be or how much patience I'll have to write it right now, but here goes.
The lead-up to the wedding started in earnest on Thursday, May 22, my last day of work before taking over a week off. We arranged to have dinner with my family who was coming in from out of town, my Uncle David and Aunt Dawn, cousins Josh and Asher and Grandma and Grandpa. We went to a Mexican restaurant, even though my grandfather has somehow managed to go his entire life without eating Mexican food. There was the typical yelling and noise when that side of my family gets together, prompting me to say to my cousin, "You know, when Brooke's family gets together, it isn't like this." Brooke insists her family is crazy in its own way, though.
After dinner, the waiter hands the bill to my uncle, who puts his card in it and hands it back. He passes it over the head of my grandma, who had previously said she was taking us out to dinner. On its way over her head, my grandmother grabs the bill, wrestling it away from the waiter and knocking my Uncle's credit card to the ground, a look of steely determination on her face as she puts in her own card to pay for dinner. Outside the restaurant, my grandma tries to gather everyone around for a picture. As I watch my uncle try to round up my little cousins and see Brooke shivering in the wind beside me, I announce that any pictures will be taken at home and not in front of the restaurant. My grandmother shouts "No!" My Aunt and I shout "Yes!" In unison. Then, my grandmother tells me "You'll pay for this."
Yes, my sweet little old grandmother tells me that I'll pay for this. As we get into our cars, I roll down my window and say to her "Grandma?", tilting my head at an irresistibly puppy-like angle. She says, simply, "Watch out." I'm terrified.
She apologizes later, and later tells me that she could hardly sleep that night because she felt so bad. I don't quite get it. There's more going on than the picture thing. I'm the first grandchild to get married an I think it's a little weird for her. The next day is spent madly trying to print up programs for the wedding, which isn't even worth going into. Suffice to say that after much trials and tribulations we did a bang-up job, and I"m not sure if they were actually given out at the wedding or not.
That night, however, was my bachelor party. The plan that Andy, my best man, had formulated involved going Go-Karting (not the kiddy kind. Go-Karts that go 60 miles an hour) and then retiring somewhere for dinner and drinks, probably Friday's because I'm a man of simple tastes. Unfortunately, Go-Karting was called on account of rain, so we were left scrambling for something else to do. We elected to go to Friday's first, and then do some drunken laser tag in the mall and finally maybe see a movie. We waited for everyone to arrive (everyone being myself, Andy, Josh, Zach, Jon, and my brother) and then piled into Josh's van to head to Middletown. Unfortunately, Dan had not yet shown up, reminding us all once again why it's incredibly important to own a cell phone. Trusting that Dan would make his way somehow, we headed off to the mall.
When we got to Friday's (Dan had called me on the way over from a payphone in Goshen. We gave him directions and he met us) there was a 45 minute wait, which we spent outside in the cold and rain. I'm not quite sure why. It sure was nice to see everyone again, though, especially people like Josh, who I haven't seen much since his wedding, if at all, and Dan, who I hadn't seen in a full year. During this waiting period, Rob from work also showed up, virtually missing the entire waiting in the rain period by virtue of missing his exit.
During dinner we ate like Fridays kings, and I indulged shamelessly in all sorts of girl drinks in all sorts of shades of both bright green and bright blue. The original plan of eat and drink and then play drunken laser tag had to be ammended as the eating and drinking wore on, and laser tag drew closer to closing and the movie we had tickets for drew nigh. So, we ate and drank mightily, and then headed over to the mall to see our movie, Bruce Almighty. One word - don't. See if you can watch the Steve Carrell clip, and then you've seen the best part of the movie.
Unfortunately, now I have to go back to work. Tune in next time for the continuing adventures of the bachelor party (yes, there's more!), the further adventures of the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and the adventurous adventures of the wedding. Til then, take care!