Here it is, folks. The newest "Local Boy Makes Good" column. Let me know what you think.

LOCAL BOY MAKES BABY

You know the phrase, “There’s nothing new under the sun?” That’s basically been my motto for the past 8 months. Three years ago I graduated college and got a job, two years ago Brooke and I got married, last year we bought a house and then…nothing really changed. We hit this wonderful patch of hard-earned stability that meant life was good but there was really nothing we could tell people. “What’s new?” they’d ask. Nothing. Seriously. And that’s just fine.

Well, something’s about to be new. Brooke and I are expecting a child. And even though my hard-won stability is about to be thrown out forever, I couldn’t be happier. And at least a small part of that is now I’ve got news to tell people.

I’ve loved telling people I’m having a baby, no matter what reaction I get. The most popular, of course, is a hardy “Congratulations!” and a shake o’ the hand, which never gets old. I feel like I should be handing out cigars, but I hate cigars. Maybe I should hand out chocolate-covered pretzel rods. Mmmm…you know, I’m going to start doing that.

The second most popular reaction, surprisingly, is “Wow…is that good?” Of course it’s good! If it wasn’t I wouldn’t be telling you. “I don’t know, man…I guess now I have to marry her.”

I can understand the confusion, though. I am pretty young, and I’m nearly the first person I know who’s having a baby. But Brooke and I are on an accelerated schedule for everything. It comes from having been together 10 years. I was married at 22. I’ll be a daddy at 25. And I’ll be wearing my pants above my belly button at 38. I’m definitely looking forward to that.

If it seems like I’m being blasé about becoming a father, it’s only because it’s so amazing I don’t even know how to talk about it. I created life! This is how God must feel, or the guy who invented zombies. Nowadays I’m feeling a lot of emotions, including but not limited to elation, pride, love, anxiety and poverty (is poverty an emotion?). But most of all I feel impatient. I want my wife to have a big ol’ belly now! I want to hold the baby in my arms now! I want the baby to be a few months old, so it’s less wrinkly and more smiley, now! Gimme gimme, now now now.

But I’m trying to slow down and enjoy everything as it happens. We’ve got this great book that runs through every week of pregnancy and tells you what’s happening with the baby and what kind of fruit it’s the size of. I’ve watched the baby grow from a plum to a lime to a fist (which, I was disappointed to find out, is not a fruit). Soon we’ll be far enough along to find out what the baby is. And yes, we’re going to find out ahead of time. I don’t understand waiting until the delivery. Are you so bored while your child is being brought into the world that you need to be surprised? “It’s a boy!” “Aww…I knew that already. Ho-hum.”

I figure I’m going to be awed and amazed either way. I kept saying to my wife that our love was so amazing that the only thing it could logically do was make a new life, and now it did. That’s not just news…that’s great news.

First off, thanks to everyone who responded below. Don't forget to check back tomorrow to see me write on the subject.

In the meantime...here's the type of funny I is!

the Wit (56% dark, 39% spontaneous, 16% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean you're pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most effort to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. Also, you probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

Wow, it's been a long time since I posted. I sincerely apologize. I'll come back soon and post all the columns and BOS entries I've missed in the interim.

In the meantime, here's a special present for you if you're still here reading for some reason. Special announcement: Brooke's expecting a baby.

That's right, I'm going to be a daddy. January 06 is when it all goes down, folks.

Check back Friday and I'll post my new column on this very subject.